Story Time

I've been talking a lot about generalities. Let me go into the specifics. 

I slept over at my girlfriend's house the other day- and she began to sulk, but refused to tell me why. She turned on her side to go to sleep. So instead of getting frustrated and going to sleep as well, I grabbed her upper arm, and tried to pull her towards me, but felt resistance. So I sat up and forced her onto her back with brute strength (thank god I'm stronger than she is) and said her full name. I was greeted with a scowl. So I said, "Tell me what's wrong right now." 

To my amazement, she began to soften a little. Her stony expression warmed up and eased into one of worry and sadness. She opened up and told me what was wrong.

WELL SHIT.

We talked about it, and even though we couldn't really come to a conclusion at the moment, it seemed as if she felt heard. She tried to turn away from me again but I took hold of her arm and said "turn towards me please." And she did, without a fight. Eventually she snuggled into me and fell asleep almost immediately.

This felt very good. I took charge- didn't let her sulk. Didn't let things fester. And it had fantastic results.

But what's hard is doing that all the time but not overdoing it. Not using brute strength as a go-to strategy. Only when it's appropriate, only when the situation calls for it, only when it would enhance my ability to get her attention and fix things. 

I'm requiring her to do a couple of small routine things. And it's hard to be consistent with those- because I'm not good with routine. I don't follow through with things in my own life. I wait til the last minute and I forget things a lot and generally am pretty absent-minded. 

And she needs control over everything. She doesn't like submitting, she feels uncomfortable when she's not in charge, she has huge trust issues.

You can see how this will be difficult for us. 

But we'll grow. As individuals. And as a couple. We will blossom.