Stop Emotionally Crapping on Those Around You

So.

She and I have both agreed that this is what's gonna be best for us. She is the epitome of a control freak- and she proudly admits that. And prying the control out of her clenched fingers is going to be like peeling a price tag off of a ceramic mug. 

It takes DILIGENCE. 

PATIENCE.

ENDURANCE.

AND SKILL.

Not all of us have what it takes.

And right now I certainly don't have what it takes.

But that's what life is for, right?

GROWING. 

BECOMING A BETTER PERSON.

I need to become responsible, consistent, and strong. If I'm going to lead her than I have to become a rock. 

A compassionate rock. 

But not too compassionate of a rock to where it's always going around emotionally crapping on everyone the way I'm sometimes caught doing. 

People can change, right? Isn't that what life's about?

Many say that people can't change. That's called black-and-white thinking, children, which will lead you very far from understanding life. The truth is, life is a bunch of fucking gray areas. There are lots of maybe's, might's, i-don't-know's, and kind-of's. And it's the best way to win all arguments too because if you don't have any certainties in your statement then how can you ever be wrong? Heh.

I think the answer to the "can people change" question is:

*drum roll*

Some people can sometimes change some parts of themselves.

TRY AND ARGUE WITH THAT ONE, MOTHERFUCKER.

That Bullshit About How Swearing is an Indicator of Low Intelligence

Most of my English teachers have argued that if you use swear words, your vocabulary just isn't big enough for you to use any other non-swear words.







WELL THAT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT.

I don't swear because I lack other, larger, more sophisticated and grandma-friendly words.







I swear because it gets out the fucking PASSION I need to convey. If I eat a steak that's perfectly cooked and juicy and does magic things to my taste buds-







-oh wait wrong one sorry-







-that's better.

If I consume this, I'm not gonna sit back and say "That steak was excellent."







I'm going to say "That steak was the best goddamn steak I've ever fucking had."

See the difference?

Now if small children were nearby, I'd probably go with "excellent".







Maybe it's not a question of the variety of choices you have, but your ability to choose the most appropriate one. Just like it's not about how much money you have, but about how you spend it.







Or, it doesn't matter what genes you have, because everyone has freewill to be who they want to be. (within reason of course.)

Also, who's to say whether you chose to say "fucking" over "excellent" or simply didn't know the word "excellent"? Who's to say that just because you spend money like the American teenage boy eats fast food-

mcdonald's chicken mcnuggets- %50 chicken, %50 nugget.

-that you actually have the money you're spending? And just because someone gets to the grocery store, how could someone ever know what a person with crippling anxiety had to go through to get there?

Point is, there are so many possible reasons behind a simple decision.

My favorite song's chorus says- OHWAITI'LLGETITFORYOU---

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZoKWoCxNXg

--it says "Rest in my arms, sleep in my bed, there's a design to what I did and said." Over and over and over- but not in a creepy, hypnotic way. It's a lullaby. (Also this Sufjan guy is a gay, Christian, musical genius. What is more holy than that?)







Anyway, this single statement speaks volumes about the concept of love and trust- how they're inseparable and how they can't really function well without each other. He's saying, "Trust me- my heart is in the right place. Trust me- I love you."

And as simple as these words are, as simple as the act of resting and sleeping may be, the Human Condition makes this concept incredibly difficult to grasp and embrace. This is what I want my girlfriend to understand. What she needs in order for things to work out.

What I'm trying to get at is that we judge very easily. But we're quicker to label things like liars and cheaters and jerks and faggots and retards than we are to label people as Trustworthy and Good.

Let's work on slaying the dragons inside of ourselves that prevent us from loving each other, shall we?

What the Hell Do You Mean by Taking Your Girlfriend in Hand?

This may be the first question you ask yourself after reading my description, followed maybe by a quiet "Did she really have a whip or are you being metaphorical?"







No, she doesn't have a whip. Yeah, I know how disappointed a few of you are. Back to the google search engine for you.

Taking your partner in hand is another way of saying you're taking charge for the sake of your relationship. The whole each-partner-has-equal-say-and-power-thing is just not working out, for whatever reason. Your partner may get a little out of control the way women are capable of doing (now don't go all feminist on me because 1. I'm a girl, and 2. you're in denial) and rather than continue to argue and throw nasty words at each other, it would be more efficient to just say enough, make a decision, and then cuddle and have sex watch the sunset.







This is the goal.

What you're reading now is the process.

The process entails lots of testing and figuring things out and making mistakes trying to feel your way around the power shift. Do I want her to be a submissive, obedient, old-fashioned woman with no right to say what's on her mind?







No. I want her to be able to trust me and relax and be able to submit to me when things get out of control.

You see, my love has Borderline Personality Disorder. (this shit right here- http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml)

And what's worse than watching her go through one of her episodes, where she's lashing out at everyone who loves her and feeling such intense pain that she just doesn't know what to do with herself? Nothing. Except maybe watching and not being able to FUCKING DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

She's the kind of girl (you all know her- either a friend of yours, a girlfriend of yours, a MOTHER of yours, or maybe even yourself) who gets what she wants. She's manipulative and she knows it.

I've decided that things are changing- and you can choose to read (and laugh at) my successes (and many more failures) in rescuing my love from the dragon that lives inside of her and finally bringing her some peace.