When I was a kid, I abhorred every mention of either the word "structure" or "discipline." I thought it was condescending, incapacitating, and invalidating. I don't need to be punished, I thought indignantly, I can decide what is the right thing to do in any situation and I will do so.
Obviously children need punishment and structure and discipline. The RIGHT THING TO DO is rarely the obvious choice in life no matter how old a person is- but what my issue was specifically wasn't necessarily figuring out the best course of action. It was doing what I was told simply because I was the child and my parents were, well, my parents. Because they were in charge, and I was not.
If everyone were equals authority wise- if no person had any more power than the next- the world might be more fair, but it would more importantly be completely-fucking-out-of-control. Humanity needs a system. And as much as most of us hate to admit it, we need structure, we need rules. Some need it more than others...some want to be the ones in charge, others need to be the ones following the rules. But not everyone can be in charge at the same time. (Science.)
So we get why structure's necessary. Why it's wanted, even. It's efficient, comforting, and it just plain feels good no matter which side you're on.
But why is discipline necessary...also how. How does that work. How do you punish a grown adult. Some want it- they'll express the need to be structured and disciplined and punished, they explain that they act out because they want to be handled. Emotionally and sometimes even physically.
Lines though. Lines between domestic discipline and domestic abuse. Lines between necessary and arbitrary. Between protective and condescending, between authoritative and authoritarian, between self-absorbed and completely lacking in any self-interest whatsoever.
The only fitting analogy I can think of for the way these lines intertwine is how two bodies will entangle themselves together during intimacy. Everything becomes a blur- together they become one heat, one passion, one human being. If they harmonize well it will be beautiful, but if not it will be a disaster. To trust and to satisfy each other's needs requires an empathy and a deep understanding of the psyches involved.
She wants me to physically punish her. How do I do that without it becoming kinky- or worse- abusive? She says she consents to my control, but have I obtained her subconscious consent? If I force her to bend to my will, how do I know if I've succeeded or if I've just become that domineering partner who hits his wife when he doesn't find her satisfactory?
